Evidence of compassion in my own life is complex. I know I am a complex person that is selfish, frustrated, overwhelmed, beautiful, courageous, loved, and a complete hot mess. There are days and weeks where the ability to feel compassion for myself or any human being feels almost impossible. But yet, I love people so deeply. I would do anything for my kid(s), family and friends to show that I love them. Talk about a spiritual mystery, right? Sometimes I don't know how I can feel so selfish and feel like I wear my heart on my sleeve at the same time. Through some research I did one nocturnal pregnant evening this weekend, I learned that the most compassionate human beings in history were complex people: just like you and I. Gandhi, Mother Theresa, and Albert Einstein all had flawed aspects to their character that are not often looked at in history, but are a reminder that when we act out of compassion the world seems to forget our humanity a bit.
Yet, our humanity is what makes us compassionate. Man, we are a beautiful hot mess.
This stage of life feels like a giant compassionate conundrum. We are depending on our friends quite a bit for our move and care for Shyla as we move and prepare for Asher's arrival in 6 weeks. In addition, Luke and I are also attempting to get through a busy season at work. As a person who preaches vulnerability and actively shows it, I will say it is a giant swallowing of my pride to call up some of the people that know me best and say "I am really struggling." I totally failed myself in that place this week. Showing self-compassion and humanity to myself at the same time makes me feel vulnerable and comfortably uncomfortable.
Life has a way of turning the camera lens back on me to practice the advice I tell the people I love. To quote the blogger Glennon Melton from Momastery:
"There is no use living out loud if you only do it when things are going smooth as silk. Lord, who learns anything then? That’s like being brave till things get scary."-
|I like doing self-portraits in these seasons of life. Its funny how different my face looks when my brain is on overload. (hint: note smeared make up)|
|Shyla is super proud of her name collage. She took it with us to the park today. I need some of her moxie. Maybe i need to make a name collage and call it flair.|