"We are wondering how the painful the best will turn out to be."

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will  turn out to be."- C.S. Lewis

In general, I have a rule.

If there are really things bothering me, 

I don't write on here until I have resolved them....

...until I have come to poetic place of stillness....not resolution, but obtained a quiet mind.

I don't have a blog to complain.

This blog  was created as a place to be creative, to connect with myself, and things that remind me that 

this life is to be lived in wholeness, connection, and always digging roots....in pictures.

But I do like to create a place where I am sharing aspects of story and not share the perspectives I am growing in right now....

This week was full of fun new discoveries, taking a leap of faith and also making some decisions....

both of which put me in total scarcity "doer" mode as I call it.

Let me say this, the sensitive, flowery, artistic side does NOT flow with my doer mode side.  Not one bit.

When I launch into scarcity mentality mode, I lean on fear, anxiety and depression as my companions.

When I begin to unravel I tend to find ways to feel shame.  I look for the negative.  I want to feel it before opportunities arise that force me to feel.  It really shoots me in the foot....both of them.  

It literally took Luke buying me a prenatal massage and taking a trip to Whole Food to buy Essential Oils with one of my favorite humans to get my Ninja powers back and to kick some of this anxiety and fear back in the balls.

Digging deeper into my pools of what I love.......to find that side of myself that feels love and gives compassion:

Lavender is the scent of compassion and connection

The smell of it reminds me of yoga, best friends, massages, big bear hugs, gratitude, and wholeness.

The smell carries SO much weight to feeling like me.

One more thing that I love and gets me out of my ruts:

Honest leaders that are not afraid to show vulnerability, grace, simultaneously to their audience.  That's connection.