Sunday, October 7, 2012

Faith is Floating in Seventy Thousand Fathoms of Water

This weekend was hard. I am getting to that point in pregnancy where everything feels like effort--EVERYTHING.  Last week I had a sinus infection and many, many work responsibilities.  So did Luke. By Friday I felt like my head was going to explode.  But instead of my head exploding, I became a barrel of pregnancy emotions and cried every time I had a thought.  At one point in time this weekend I might have googled things I shouldn't have and spun myself into a typical Julie Mental Spin.  Yep, I was awesome this weekend.   I was SO awesome this weekend that when my car battery was getting replaced at Sam's and was told that there was going to be a two hour wait, I just stared at the mechanic and cried.  Shyla was also having a temper tantrum at this point in time.  I think the mechanic was so terrified of a crying pregnant lady with a screaming toddler sitting in his waiting room for hours on end that he pushed us to the beginning of the line.  Wow, this was not my finest hour.  Today was better:

Tonight went to Trader Joe's for our weekly groceries, I got some beautiful flower that reminded me living a colorful, seasonal, always growing and changing life.  

As I think about the current themes in my life right now, everything is resting on faith.  Faith in what?  Maybe it's just my nature, but I find myself getting into spiritual/faith type conversations with all kinds of people.  If you are close with me, it is just something that comes up in conversation. I find it beautiful to hear people's struggles, doubts, and points of strength.  Everyday is a battle of faith, everyday.  Here is a quote from a book that I am currently reading: Faith is like floating in seventy thousand fathoms of water.  If you struggle, if you tense up and thrash about, you will eventually sink.  But if you relax and trust, you will float."   This is how life has felt the last month:  like floating through seventy thousand fathoms of water. I have to say, we were blessed in the area of finances this month.  I was full of gratitude for this gift that it puts us so much closer to getting a house after Asher is born!! I am so excited about this!   But in other places of my life I feel like I am tense and thrashing.  The day to day sometimes feels as though I am on that hamster wheel.  If I get into the wrong frame of mind the only thing I can think of is how the baby is getting bigger and the days are getting darker and longer.  But then, when I do things (take photos, being active, listening to music, reading books) that inspire me to float in a spirit of faith, I notice that the heaviness of carrying this baby all of a sudden seems lighter.

I am trying to take more photos of myself with Shyla after I read the article I posted on my facebook "Mom Stays In the Picture."
I also have started drinking Pumpkin Spice Coffee *every* morning.  It makes me feel seasonal.  I like buying food that is seasonal.  It reminds me that this is a season in my life that I am going to remember for the rest of my life.  Seeing life in seasons.  I write about this a lot.  I love to eat in season because it reminds me that we are always changing and growing.  When we eat seasonally, even the food we eat changes as we change.

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